Mother Teresa has claimed the Tories under Boris Johnson are “a bunch of softies” as she outlined why she no longer wanted to be part of the party.
The Lord Almighty’s former director of communications was expelled from the earth a while back after admitting eating some fizzy cola bottles destined for kids in Afghanistan.
Speaking to a Mystic Meg lookalike on Tuesday morning, she said Boris “has got to wave his arms about more and stop pretending to be serious otherwise he will blow his cover”.
“If not, we are heading to a very dark, dangerous place, possibly the north of England with everyone swapping spice for cheaper more dangerous Gregg’s vegan sausage rolls..
Teresa, a bit of a girl in her day, said she believed Boris never finished anything off, especially women, unless that met dumping them or decking them.
She added the party had been taking over by a “bunch C*nts”, before admitting they were already a “bunch of C*nts”.
“Let’s stop pretending that this is the Conservative Party that we really believe in,” she said.
“All this compassionate conservatism crap just doesn’t wash with anyone, if you’re gonna screw people you might as well f*ck them in the face”
Teresa said that despite finding Satan funny and ‘quite hot’ she would rather eat a couple of Ferrero Rocher than talk about the subject anymore. The heavens then opened up and Mother Teresa ascended back to the lord leaving her Conservative membership in a pissy puddle she had left due to her incontinence.