Richard Branson caught by CCTV in FAKE bike crash.

You couldn’t make it up, but Richard Branson’s recent revelations about a near death bicycle crash have been proved to be FAKE after CCTV footage revealed that he got off his bike, threw it off the cliff and then covered his face with jam.


“I was so upset” said a local woman who had sold the jam to him earlier believing he was going to use it in a sandwich.  “I import Jeremy Corbyn’s homemade jam and was delighted that Richard seemed to be putting this weeks bitching behind him, but then I found out that he was just using it to get fake sympathy. It makes me sick, I’m never gonna buy his baked beans ever again.”


Others suggested Richard threw his bike off the cliff because of a squeaky crank. “Not a lot of people know this” said local cyclist Jim, “but when you’re rich you simply don’t put up with things like squeaky cranks or slow punctures, it’s not uncommon for us just to throw the bike of a cliff and then claim it’s been destroyed on our insurance policies if that kind of shit happens.”

The CCTV footage has not been released because that would be illegal, however our reporters have seen it and are 23% convinced it’s not CGI.

Branston Beans were unavailable for comment, but they still make you fart.

kim jong trump

it’s true what they say about korean women. they adore anyone who gets photoshopped onto kim jong-uns face. donald trump, a total nut job who wants to be the next president of a place called the u.s.a got photoshopped onto this picture earlier.

donald trump in north korea

look at how much they adore him. the girl to his left does seem to be looking at something behind his head, but other than that they’re well happy.

so, how does trump up that in the real world. the world outside photoshop and after effects. well, here it is.[/embedyt

are you serious?


look at that

“omg did you see it?”, “have you seen it?”, “you have to see it”… rarely do words ever mean anything much. this is clearly the case here. does she even know the man? has he bought a drink or just sat down , grabbed her paper and said in a stupid irish accent “sure would you look at that”?

look at that

not all irish people are tramps.


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thought for the day – “it’s ok”

task for tomorrow – “deal with it tomorrow”