Celebrity dead pools are so last year, celebrity islamic conversion pools are the future. Heres our starter list for 2019. Suggestions welcome.
Richard and Judy.
Its been a strange year 2018. After almost a decades growth of polarised hatred, bred on the echo chambers of social media something very peculiar h
as started to happen.
Sworn enemies are beginning to make bedfellows. Hate groups are dwindling in numbers and membership. Road rage is practically non existent and religious extremists are hooking up with random hedonists and clubbing into the early hours.
Sounds like fake news? Is it fuck you stupid opinionated little fuckwit. You and and every other little cunt who presume they know it all just because you get the occasional countdown conundrum or know where Bulgaria is on the map.
The problem with all this free love and tolerance is that global adrenalin production has plummeted. And as we all know, without adrenalin human beings are weak spawny useless pieces of shit. Football fans wave at each other instead of throwing bottles and coins. Rock rivals join each other on stage and even the inmates of high security prisons are swapping spice and knife fights for old spice and Zumba.
It’s not all bad though. Most people still hate themselves. If they could just start sharing that loathing that would be great.
Donald Trump has been accused of laying a man called Keith outside a Jewish chicken shop in Peckham.
Witnesses claim that Trump had misheard the word “Wreath” as “Keith” before screaming at his advisors and passers by “Get me a Keith, any fucker will do, just pretend he’s a Keith if you have to…”
Eventually a young man allegedly called Keith was brought forward only to be savagely slapped across the face with a gilted toupee.
A young Asian intern who was washing plastic spoons at the shop claimed Keith landed right outside their door with a “tremendous thud” and that it was “sad”. Police sources claim it is the first case of chicklaphobia to hit Peckham since the dark ages.
Donald Trump has declined to give a fuck. The chicken died.