The Great Brexit Gold Rush

The Great Brexit Gold Rush has started. For the first time since the last time Ian Rush scored for Liverpool every cunt and their mum are scrambling to grab political and financial advantages.

ian rush

Boris and aside, the Scottish Nationalists are hiding their stock pile of haggis and Irn bru, the Irish Nationalists are out with their metal detectors looking for any AK47’s that may have accidentally missed decommisioning, and the Isle of Man have started to bulk buy cats with tails so they can swing them around like football rattles at the next TT.


The NHS which is obviously totally safe now hasn’t done a thing. We spoke to several Doctors this morning and they told us we needed to call back on Monday before 8.30am or fuck off. Two of them were indian, so they didn’t seem too bothered about the whole Brexit thing.

A bunch of blokes in Swindon were photographed “actually digging for gold” after the Sun newspaper told them they would find some there. Some kids where throwing stones at them and calling them cunts, and an old lady was heard saying “my shares have crashed, how am I gonna pay for my lavish funeral”

A bunch of african dogs were seen chasing a three legged cat across an overgrown grassy car park in Manchester, why they weren’t on leads we couldn’t figure out. What the fuck is wrong with people.

dog chasing cat

“Ever since we voted out everyone has totally lost it” claimed a 3 year old child who has clearly got more sense than half the country. I can’t even afford nappies anymore because my parents have been on the piss with my child benefit since Friday celebrating.

Jeremy Kyle was seen fucking a dead chicken out the back of KFC, but later denied it and started pointing his shitty little finger at everyone else.

“At least we still have our flag” said some kid from the Shankill Road in Belfast. No surrender. Fuck the Pope, the stupid european cunt. We will keep on marching and so should you.




Brexit leads by 132% compared to next week.

Where ever you go, whether it’s the pub, the shop, the pub… where ever…. all you can hear people talking about is brexit. What the fuck is brexit? We sent our reporter into a white room to find out.

bill fat bloke

Bill Costly who owns a service station franchise told us he was voting brexit because he was a stupid cunt. When we asked him if he was joking he laughed and then pushed us away before suddenly turning angry and telling us both to fuck off whilst squeezing a big block of cheese.


Coko caught her husband fucking the dog. “He’s really anti-brexit so i thought how better to get back at the bastard than vote brexit”jim

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We didn’t really want to talk to Jim in the white room but he kept coming over to us asking if we needed any soundbites. Every time we said no, but every time the relentless prick gave us one anyway.


Some people say if we leave europe china will nuke us and sell us loads of post nuke plastics to help stick our faces and bodies back together. Well they won’t, and anyone who believes that is a fucking dickhead. GMO plastic is real and we need to stop it now. Vote brexit or else you will all die.