5 celebrities you didn’t even knew were dead

everyday we seem to wake up to the death of another celebrity. it’s no surprize given that there are so many of the useless parasites these days.

under the radar

sadly there are some real celebrities who have died recently and hardly anyone blinked an eye. this is our tribute to those forgotten heroes.

Doris Days

doris day

doris days fell off a horse whilst on holiday in mexico in september 2015. she died 2 days later in a mexican hospital. unfortunately she had no documents on her at the time and they could not establish who she was. her death was never reported to the media.

Princess Margaret


princess margaret is known around the world for her crazy partying lifestyle, but when she died on the same day as the queen mother her passing was completely overlooked by the media. she will always be remembered as the kind alcoholic who looked like a horse.

neil young

neil young

neil young from the young ones died from a marajuana overdose whilst on honeymoon with his third wife in portugal last week. fans staged a protest in the town complaining that decrimilisaion is bad but the government have said nothing is going to change. his classic album crazyhorses is back in the p2p charts.

Michael Parkinson

michael parkinson

parky, barky, narky or larky, call him what you will but michael parkinson was undoubtably one of the best television doctors ever. not only did he discover parkinsons disease, his popular primetime show invited other parkinson sufferers to come on and talk about themselves. parky died last week on a park bench. he had been living there for weeks.

Justin Darkness

justin darkness

racing car driver justin darkness was killed last night when his hair got caught in the back wheel of his car ripping his head off and flinging it into a bunch of screaming teenage girls. his family have asked for privacy.


is the 69 club the new 27 club?

so the word is out. if you’ve missed the 27 club but you still wanna go out in style the number they’re all talking about now is 69. dave and now alan being it’s latest members, if our researcher could be arsed we’re sure there’s a lot more.

27 club v 69 club

so, shit ego’s out there older than 27, you can still be a legend.


here’s some bryan adams to cheer you all up. back in the summer of 69. (possibly one of mankind’s best years)

god bless.


when a fictional person dies many people who have invested  time in that character struggle to come to terms with it. when a celebrity dies, it is very similar to the fictional character, unless of course you’ve known them personally in which case you mourn the person, not the celebrity (possibly both)

death of an icon

van goghs last words before he died were ‘I wish I could pass away like this…’

A few moments later his wish was fulfilled and he had found the rest he could not find on earth. He did not paint any pictures of himself dying to leave for his friends. he wasn’t that kind of man.

play it one more time. play it all night long.

immortal tears

oh god. i never thought i would feel like this again. i still remember the morning i heard diana was dead like yesterday. she never released any records., and as far as i’m aware, she didn’t get totally wasted or do drugs or anything, but she died, and the media went mental, and we had to watch her holding aids babies and shit for ages.

jesus and lemmy and david

but that was just the media

anyway, fast forward almost 20 loops around the sun. a couple of rock/pop stars die and suddenly everyone’s hanging out their flags like their best fuckin’ mate has died. it’s worse than diana, and there were only 5 channels on TV back then.

when jesus was on the cross some mormon dude asked him “if you could bring a future rock star back to life the way you did with those other dudes, who would it be?”

he never answered the question, and died shortly after.

it was worse than when princess diana died.

princess diana


we have the bible and look were that got us. your little idols are dead, and you will be too one day, and not even jesus can get you out of that one.

“i love you all” – princess diana

“”i thought i cried, but i’d actually just wet myself” – secret shopper

“i’m pregnant” – princess diana

“there aren’t really any mines here are there?” – princess diana

“bring back….” – jesus (allegedly)