Trident nuclear submarines to ditch headphone socket.

In a completely unexpected move the department of defence have announced that rather than replacing the warheads in the new strategic nuclear submarines, they are going to remove the headphone sockets instead.


“It’s a fast moving 007 type world these days, and we need to stay one step ahead of the game” said submarine interior designer Muhammad Smith from Tooting.

“We looked at updating the warheads but that seemed a bit predictable, and the ones we have are fucking massive anyway. The only other thing we considered changing was the toilet roll holders ’cause they sometimes snap off and if the floor is wet you’re fucked.”

But all things considered, most crew agreed that wireless headphones would be the best place to spend the 20 billion or whatever it is

“Security won’t be an issue. We’re not using bluetooth as sharks can hear that, and we’re not using wifi either as virgin have upped their prices.”

The M.O.D. refused to respond to¬†say if iphone 7’s were involved.

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